I can count a million times
People asking me how I Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray:
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus, bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain?
So I pray
Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Friday, February 26, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Feeling Nostalgic?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Brianna ~ L@@K
Here is our new place. We have two bedrooms upstairs where you see Kyle on the balcony, also 3 rooms downstairs. I have a little amateur video i might post on youtube so you can see inside and some familiar items mixed in...Love, Mom
the easiest prey - a captive unaware - Breaking Free
he has the amazing ability to always let me down
he'd get angry.
i must be incredibly dense it took me too long to realize he is an alcolholic
he'd throw things and he'd hit things and he'd hurt us
the whole time i tried to figure out
what was i doing to make him that way
what mistake did i make
how did i somehow hurt him to make him act that way.
now i have some distance from that madness
the one thing i can see now, that i couldn't see before.
it wasn't me, it was him.
it wasnt me, i was not the reason he would drink
i am not the reason he would get angry.
i am not the reason he would hurt me and hurt others
i was alright before
i will be alright again
every man has got his breaking point
the click he hears
i fear we're in the dark before the dawn.
before i heard the promises
long before this, i shook the Hand of Grace
he'd get angry.
i must be incredibly dense it took me too long to realize he is an alcolholic
he'd throw things and he'd hit things and he'd hurt us
the whole time i tried to figure out
what was i doing to make him that way
what mistake did i make
how did i somehow hurt him to make him act that way.
now i have some distance from that madness
the one thing i can see now, that i couldn't see before.
it wasn't me, it was him.
it wasnt me, i was not the reason he would drink
i am not the reason he would get angry.
i am not the reason he would hurt me and hurt others
i was alright before
i will be alright again
every man has got his breaking point
the click he hears
i fear we're in the dark before the dawn.
before i heard the promises
long before this, i shook the Hand of Grace
Thursday, February 18, 2010
PROUDest Moment of my Life, so far!
My Lovely Daughtergraduated from Spring Arbor University with a degree in English.
Can't wait til she comes back from Japan.
Hope we get to spend some time together.
I need to make up for the last five years we weren't together.
and many times in our past when i was not the best companion.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Old photos
I am so Thankful i have these. I never realized how valuable they would be when we got older. This is about 1970~boyer familie
Family photos for us are rare: we were all split up into different foster families.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Valentines Day!
No candy No flowers No cards No romantic dinner and a movie.
Just me and my boys.
Kyle is my valentine....i'm pretty sure he made one for me,
hopefully he will remember to give it to me.
No new job: had a chance for another job.
thought i had it right up until the background/credit check.
old credit card defaults are probably going to prevent them from wanting to hire me.
how am i supposed to pay billls if they use your credit history against you?
Just me and my boys.
Kyle is my valentine....i'm pretty sure he made one for me,
hopefully he will remember to give it to me.
No new job: had a chance for another job.
thought i had it right up until the background/credit check.
old credit card defaults are probably going to prevent them from wanting to hire me.
how am i supposed to pay billls if they use your credit history against you?
Friday, February 12, 2010
No idea
i have no idea where he is. most days here he would sit and watch tv. some days in a bathrobe over his clothes.
he went to church, but refused to become involved. the dichotomy between christianity and depravity was confusing and sometimes scary.
he rarely showered or shaved nor brushed his teeth... sounds like depression to me.
he would walk around the area picking up cans to recycle to buy cigarettes. didn't want to ask for cig money - i would have been more appreciative if can money went to something useful instead of cancer sticks.
every once in while he cooked for us, mostly just for himself. some dishes were washed.
then he began buying alcohol again.
waiting for a check in the mail..
.talked about past, politics, paparazzi.
didn't do the things you would expect a man to do. wants to be respected for past accomplishments and for being a 47 year old male.
has no idea how to maintain trust and affection. ignores the people who love him most. almost always charming to outsiders.
has burnt most bridges and fiddled while they burned.
then he began buying alcohol again. waiting for a check in the mail...
he went to church, but refused to become involved. the dichotomy between christianity and depravity was confusing and sometimes scary.
he rarely showered or shaved nor brushed his teeth... sounds like depression to me.
he would walk around the area picking up cans to recycle to buy cigarettes. didn't want to ask for cig money - i would have been more appreciative if can money went to something useful instead of cancer sticks.
every once in while he cooked for us, mostly just for himself. some dishes were washed.
then he began buying alcohol again.
waiting for a check in the mail..
.talked about past, politics, paparazzi.
didn't do the things you would expect a man to do. wants to be respected for past accomplishments and for being a 47 year old male.
has no idea how to maintain trust and affection. ignores the people who love him most. almost always charming to outsiders.
has burnt most bridges and fiddled while they burned.
then he began buying alcohol again. waiting for a check in the mail...
Thursday, February 11, 2010
shackled by regret for lost time, lost love,
5 years gone, with no future together. Loss of expectations, hopes, dreams... walked away from a marriage and a home, a father and provider. walked into resentment, instability, depression, violence, anger, jealousy, alcoholism ("alcohol makes me feel better than you do" he said once). perversion, degradation, neglect. devoted his time and charms to other women. ..wanted to see what turned them on, what they would tell him or show him.
Monday, February 8, 2010
11/26/2009
theres no doubt in my mind that this email is not going to be quite what you were expecting none the less...
ever since you called me i have had this sense of fear come over me,
a very uneasy feeling that i havent felt in a very long time, nor do i care to have now or ever again.
you call me , tell me how much you love me, how you never stopped loving me , and how your coming here and going to marry me !? like i told you on the phone YOU ARE NOT MARRYING ME, and YOU ARE NOT COMING HERE ! to go one further.... I DO NOT WANT YOU TO CALL ME EITHER !
i remember all to well what its like to be pam , lets not forget the many times you cheated on me. you tell me how she has a way to know who you call and what you do online ? that just tells me you have given her good cause to not trust you either. thats no surprise to me....been there, done that, and i have no intentions of going there and doing that again !
you tell me that your expecting your back pay from disability-" so i wont be coming there with nothing" to quote you. my guess is she is the one whos been supporting you, so when you get your money your just goint to pick a fight and leave.
dean- YOU ARE NOT COMING HERE ! I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU, I AM NOT INFATUATED WITH YOU, I AM NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH YOU OR LIVE WITH YOU AND I AM NOT GOING TO MARRY YOU !
so- youll have to search your ex girlfreinds past to find someone else to tell your stories , tales and lies to. as for me i honestly have no desire to as much to hear your voice- let alone live in that hell ever again.
i have somebody in my life which is why im selling my home, so is he, and together we are going to build our home together. he is a good man, works hard, loves better, he has never raised a hand or his voice to me or my children. he has been a wonderful father to my children and my grandchildren.
i dont hate , i just dont want you in my life.
good bye ,
theres no doubt in my mind that this email is not going to be quite what you were expecting none the less...
ever since you called me i have had this sense of fear come over me,
a very uneasy feeling that i havent felt in a very long time, nor do i care to have now or ever again.
you call me , tell me how much you love me, how you never stopped loving me , and how your coming here and going to marry me !? like i told you on the phone YOU ARE NOT MARRYING ME, and YOU ARE NOT COMING HERE ! to go one further.... I DO NOT WANT YOU TO CALL ME EITHER !
i remember all to well what its like to be pam , lets not forget the many times you cheated on me. you tell me how she has a way to know who you call and what you do online ? that just tells me you have given her good cause to not trust you either. thats no surprise to me....been there, done that, and i have no intentions of going there and doing that again !
you tell me that your expecting your back pay from disability-" so i wont be coming there with nothing" to quote you. my guess is she is the one whos been supporting you, so when you get your money your just goint to pick a fight and leave.
dean- YOU ARE NOT COMING HERE ! I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU, I AM NOT INFATUATED WITH YOU, I AM NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH YOU OR LIVE WITH YOU AND I AM NOT GOING TO MARRY YOU !
so- youll have to search your ex girlfreinds past to find someone else to tell your stories , tales and lies to. as for me i honestly have no desire to as much to hear your voice- let alone live in that hell ever again.
i have somebody in my life which is why im selling my home, so is he, and together we are going to build our home together. he is a good man, works hard, loves better, he has never raised a hand or his voice to me or my children. he has been a wonderful father to my children and my grandchildren.
i dont hate , i just dont want you in my life.
good bye ,
UNSHACKLED
The Fellowship Fund filled up his tank and a gas can. Through L>W., they bought him a few cigars and sent him on his way with some cash....to Greenville, maybe that's apropos, considering his last name.
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